The wedding Gurus like to keep up on all the gossip around town when it comes to wedding planning and one thing that we see on a regular basis is bride’s who are struggling to get their grooms to come to the party when it comes to planning their big day and spending a little money.
Now, we say spending a little money, but we all know that weddings can begin to burn a hole in those hardworking pockets pretty darn quick. In many situations your groom is probably right to try and keep things in check and make sure that costs are staying within the agreed budget (did you make one of those in the first place? If not, now might be a good time)
But what we’re hearing is that some brides are struggling with grooms who are not only irritated and overwhelmed by the planning of it all, but also want the whole thing done and dusted on a few hundred dollars and this is causing some real relationship stress for some couples.
So, if your man is finding the whole wedding planning stage a bit too much what are some strategies for dealing with it before it gets to breaking point?
1. Ask him to set aside a specific time to have a chat about things. In the lead up to that time, try not to harp on about he wedding or costs or anything else. Where possible, be the couple you’ve always been and save the wedding talk for the allocated time.
2. When you do sit down at the arranged time, be prepared. Have a list of things that need to get sorted out and tackle them one at a time. Having an agreed total budget amount will definitely make it easier to make decisions and ensure that both of you are clear about what is expected. The budget is definitely the first thing to tackle and this can take some time, so have some estimates ready in order to help your case and ensure the budget is realistic.
3. Men don’t generally love this stuff (although there are many exceptions to this – some LOVE it), so if you have a man who is struggling with the ‘big picture’ visuals that you have in mind, you might need to take it slow, perhaps show him some pictures and be willing to negotiate. It’s so easy to get caught up with flower walls, lighting backdrops and chandelier candelabras, but if you’re mortgaging your house to pay for it, then some things might have to go. Be prepared to listen to what he thinks and scale back on some things that may be a little over the top.
4. Have a set list (yep another one!) of things that you each need to do or be a part of. For example, he may need to organise the men’s suit fitting, the transport, alcohol and a number of other things. And you will be organising the invites, hair trials, etc. Include the tasks that you will also need to do together, eg, seeing the caterer, photographer, celebrant etc. It is also a good idea to have required completion dates next to each task so that you both have a timeframe to work within.
5. Once you’ve had your set time to chat about all of the wedding details and plans, try to let it fall into the background while you each work from your list. No one likes to constantly be asked where they’re at and if things have been done, especially is the topic is a little sensitive and one partner is feeling a little ‘managed’. When the tasks reach their completion date, check in and see if they have been done and re-visit the next set of tasks in the planning.
Planning a wedding can be great fun for a couple, but it can also be absolutely awful and bring about a questioning of the relationship. Try to remember that we each have different ideas and place different values on things and sometimes your partner may not be completely on the same page as you. While one partner may have been dreaming of the perfect white wedding, a gigantic cake and a wall covered in flowers, the other might be placing more value on having family and fiends present and committing their lives to the other person. Marriage, after the party, is constant negotiation and compromise so now is a great time to get some practice!
Good luck xx