Wedding Planning - family arguments and disagreements

Over the last 20 years as a marriage and funeral celebrant, I have seen literally everything when it comes to weddings, planning stress and family difficulties.

I have worked with so many couples who were dealing with issues like:

• Family disputes

• Divorced and non-speaking parents

• Family issues related to dislike of the person you’re marrying

• Family or friends who are refusing to come because someone they don't like is invited

• Bridal party fights and issues

• Bridal party members who are making trouble or not showing up

• Issues around kids being invited

• and religious issues for the couple and their families

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many more!

So, the point of this post is to consider some of the ways couples can reduce their stress around these issues so that they can have the day they want to have, not the day that has been changed and even at times ruined by others.

REMEMBER: No matter what happens, at the end of the day, the goal through all of this is to be married and you will be. You absolutely will be.

Preparing for potential issues:

It is rare for a couple to plan a wedding without encountering a single hiccup. It's important to remember, you are not alone if you're facing some stressful issues. However, you can set yourselves up for a smoother ride by panning ahead. 

First, from the moment you get engaged, understand that problems will come up and accept that. Things won't run perfectly so don't be alarmed when something does happen.

Second, don't overreact. In high stress situations it's easy to catastrophise, so when something does come up, take a minute, breathe and look at the big picture BEFORE reacting or saying anything you might regret. Give yourself a minute to think.

Third, assess whether the issue/s will really have an impact on you and your partner long-term. Will this be something that causes long-term harm, or is it just a hiccup that won't matter too much when you're looking back at the day in years to come. Talk it over with your partner and make sure you agree on your assessment of the situation. You're a team!

Fourth, understand that while your wedding is important, people around you have things going on too. When someone can't make it, can't get a baby sitter for that night, or can't help you with something they said they would, let yourself feel the irritation and move on quickly. People have things going on that others might not know about and it's better to just move on quickly and find another option rather than dwell on why they can't help or whatever the situation might be. Dwelling will waste your energy and lower your mood. Don't let the actions of others reduce your excitement and shine.

Fifth, build in pockets of time in the lead up to the wedding to take time out and de-stress. Take some time alone to remind yourself that the point of getting married is to commit to your partner. It is not to have every tiny detail fall perfectly into place for your fairytale. Relax, meditate if you need or just go for a calm walk in nature and reset your emotions so you can keep moving forward with a clear head. (Check out our post for Bridal Meditation).

Sixth, and last but not least, while it is your big day and your family and friends should behave well and support you, ALWAY try to put yourself in the other person/peoples position when issues arise. If it is a family member who doesn't want to see another guest, try to be empathetic and do what you can, but if you can't resolve it, simply explain to the person that you can't and allow them to either suggest a solution or not attend if they feel they can't. Forcing people into uncomfortable situations isn't good for anyone, including you and your partner. If it is someone who is wanting to bring their child and you are having a child-free wedding, simply write them a nice message saying that you totally understand if they can't make it due to parenting responsibilities. Many couples are now live-streaming their ceremony so distant family and friends can still attend (and it's a great way to reduce cost!)

REMEBER - be calm and empathetic but firm in your responses to issues that others bring up. Even if all of the above were to happen, and even if important people couldn't be there for you, the wedding is about marrying your partner and by the end of the day, you will be married. That's all that really matters. 

Check out some of our other posts for other ideas while planning your big day.

Good Luck!

The Wedding Gurus xx

10 Ideas to Plan the Perfect Hen's Night

Here are our top 10 tips for planning a Hen's night the bride will love!

1. Ask the Bride First

If you’re looking for pointers on how to plan the perfect hens night, who better to talk to than the bride herself? She’ll either leave it all up to you or she’ll have a few ideas of her own. Either way it’s always best to hash it out first. If she wants to help you plan, add a few extra surprises along the way.

2. Start Early

If you’re planning a hen’s night, day or weekend it’s best to plan well in advance. This will ensure that all the guests are available and you’ll also be less stressed come the big day.

3. Guest List

Again, you should ask the bride before sending out the invites. You might have a few ideas and want to surprise her but it’s best if she knows who’s invited first so that no one is left out.

4. Pick a Date

Once you’ve got the guest list sorted you can start hashing out dates. Have a few options handy and ask around. One of the dates will ultimately be better suited to most people. Unfortunately when planning parties it’s almost inevitable that one or two people won’t be able to make it but always choose a date that fits the bride, VIP’s and majority of guests.

5. Budget

Once you’ve planned the events you should be able to stick to a budget. You can have a great time without spending a whole lot of money. Keep in mind any accommodation, meals, activities etc. It’s a good idea to let everyone know well ahead of time if you need them to chip in.

6. Accommodation

Whether you’re all staying the night in a fancy hotel or you just need somewhere to play party games, you need to plan your accommodation and book well in advance.

7. Activities

Sure there’s the good old pub crawl but that’s not going to fit with every hen. Instead of coming up with traditional hen night ideas think about the hen’s personality and favourite things and come up with some ideas based around that. It’s hard to go wrong with spa treatments and anything that will pamper your hen and guests.

8. Gifts

The hen’s night is the perfect time to give the hen those cheeky gifts for the wedding night and honeymoon period. Why not buy some beautiful lingerie or some bedroom games for the hen and her rooster.

9. Dinner

Pick a restaurant you and the girls haven’t been to before. Ask for recommendations and always check the place out before you book. See if there’s a secluded area where the party can reside and always check the wine list.

10. Girls Night

A lot of hens would rather a girl’s night in than a pub crawl. Host a girlie sleepover, complete with pyjamas, sleeping bags, beauty kits, romantic comedies and magazines.

Special thanks to Guest Blogger, Sandra Worsley

Author Bio: Sandra Worsley is an experienced Australian writer. She often provides great tips on wedding preparations and organising special events.

Hens Night planning - The Basics you need

 

Planning a Hens night can be stressful, but we're  here to help.

There are loads of ideas that can be found online, but here's a little overview to get you started.

3 Months prior

-    The hens night planning should begin at least 3 months  prior to the wedding, the last thing you want is for the night to be a flop and the bride to feel disappointed because you left it to the last minute. 

      Ask the bride what type of hens night she is hoping for: a night on the town, a weekend getaway, a day of pampering or a fun night at home. Aim to understand her comfort level remember what you may consider as a fun night out she may consider as a nightmare and there is nothing worse than a humiliated bride. Determine the demographics of your guest list and plan accordingly, your aim as the organiser is to ensure all your lovely guests have a safe, fun and memorable night.

-    Next you should establish a date, we suggest for this to be between 2-3 weeks before the wedding, NEVER EVER EVER do it the night before! The only exception to this golden rule is if the bride or bridal party are flying in for the wedding – and if so keep it low key. If there is any inclining that the bride is still under the influence of alcohol on the wedding day, the priest/celebrant won’t allow the ceremony to go ahead not to mention a sick, hung over bride and an angry groom, are the last things you want on your conscience.

-    Write your guest list, again correspond with the bride, she may want only her close friends or her entire family,  in some cases she may even be inviting people from interstate or overseas– either way you must respect her decision and invite accordingly.

 

2 Months prior

-    Send out a ‘save the date’ email 2 months prior to determine the number of available attendees whilst ensuring you have given the best opportunity for everyone to attend.

-    Brainstorm ideas including the location of the event, possible activities / games / tours etc. If it is necessary to make reservations then make sure you make your enquiries and book nice and early to avoid disappointment of missing out.

-    Remember at this point that you don’t want to overschedule the night by cramming in too many activities, the last thing you want is to make your guests feel rushed or scattered by jumping from one location to another.

-    Think responsible, the inevitable part of a hens night is alcohol so organise appropriate transport and accommodation to ensure your guests have a fun and safe night.

 

1 Month prior

-    Send out your invitations approximately 1 month prior to ensure all of the brides busy friends have time to clear their schedules. This should not only include the basic information such as time/date/location/theme but also a polite request for payment if necessary and an itinerary if your planning a pub crawl or something similar.

-    If you are planning a night on the town consider starting at a restaurant - a meal before the big night is a good way to soak up that alcohol later on. Set out your itinerary organising appropriate transport between each location if they are not within walking distance of one another. Inform the pub/clubs of your attendance and in doing so hinting for hens night discount or freebie.

-    If you are planning your party at home organise for nibbles, refreshments, alcohol, games, music and decorations, (stayed tuned for our top fun games and decoration ideas posted up each month).

 

1 Week to go

-    So, its 1 week before and now the fun begins, the best part about the hens night is the shopping hunt for the male genital paraphernalia and other naughty props. Of course if this is not what the bride is ‘in to’ as such other accessories such as tiaras, veils and sashes are also a fun and a valuable part of the night.

-    Make sure you have all of the equipment you require for the games, and most importantly a great knowledge and understanding of how they are run, nothing ruins a good party like a clueless host.

-    Lastly confirm your guest list as they are your most important asset, there is nothing that reads ‘bad host’ or ‘failed hens-night’ like no guests and a disappointed bride.

 

It’s Party time!

-    Given you have carefully followed this checklist, have done your research and are fully prepared there is nothing you should be worried about On the day so most importantly let loose and HAVE FUN!

Good Luck & Happy Planning

 

Bridal Party Issues - Difficulties with Bridesmaids/Groomsmen

So, you’ve got a member of your bridal party that is giving you hell and causing you grief on all sorts of levels? 

You chose this person because you were friends or maybe it’s your cousin and your family wanted you to include her/him, but now all you want to do is get rid of them, but how? 

This is a more common situation than you might think. For some reason, much like any other highly emotional get-together, a wedding can stir up a lot of trouble in friendships and family situations and cause mixed emotions for all involved. 

For a bride, having a difficult bridesmaid can range from someone who doesn’t seem interested, refuses to participate or just can’t make the time, to complaining about their dress, whining about costs and just plain rudeness. We all know that weddings are stressful enough without the added pressure of a strained relationship with someone who is supposed to be helping out and willing to stand beside you on the big day. When it’s a groomsman the same applies, but it can often mean they fail to show up, make rude comments or make fun of everything you try to do.

 

So, what do you do? How do you handle a situation where you’ve chosen someone to share this special day and all of the planning and fun with you (and possibly forked out money for accessories) and now they’re making it hell?

 

Well, here are our tips.

 

1.     First, make sure that you’re not overreacting. When you’re stressed and emotional, even the littlest things can seem big and important, when in fact they’re not. Write down what’s been happening and how you’re feeling about things and then run it by someone you trust will tell you the truth. If you’re being silly you need to be told, but if there are some real problems then at least you can be sure that the second opinion has confirmed it.

 

2.    You need to consider how close you are to this person. If it is a sister or relative you may need to handle things differently than if it is a friend. The reality is that it is likely you will need to address the situation at some point and it could get hairy.

 

3.    If the person causing the problem is very close to you eg, sister or best friend, are they dealing with anything at the moment that might be causing their behaviour. If they are, then it might be best to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about what’s going on and how to best move forward for both of you.  It may mean that they have to pull out or need a little more understanding, but either way, at least it’s out in the open. If they’re not going through anything that you know of and just appear to be being difficult because of jealousy, laziness or some other unfair reason, then a harsher approach may need to be taken. Take them aside and tell them how you’re feeling. If, at the end of the conversation you’re not feeling any closer to resolving the issue then you may need to consider asking them if they would like to step down.

 

4.     If the person causing the problem is a friend or distant relative, you might need to still gauge whether there is something going on with them, but then just come right out and say how you’re feeling. Explain that this is a big deal for you and that you’d like their support in making it fun and exciting for everyone. If they are unable to do that then you’ll have no choice but to ask them to step away.

 

Some final tips. Approach the person face to face rather than doing it over email or text. Body language says much more than words and you’ll know very quickly if their attitude is saying for you to stick it, or if they are genuinely interested in making it work.

 

Good Luck!