Wedding Rituals and Traditions - The Dove Release

In this post we've chosen to bring you a look at the Dove Release which can be a beautiful and symbolic addition to any wedding ceremony.

White Doves have been used around the world for centuries to symbolise purity, peace, faith & love. Doves are considered a symbolic release at Weddings because they stay faithful to each other for life and form strong family bonds and share the care of their young. They're also beautiful and a dove release can create a fabulous and significant event to share with your guests.

Please note: It's important to ensure that you get your doves from a reputable and ethical dove handler who is experienced and careful with the birds. 

Celebrant:
"White doves mate for life and much like a married couple, sometimes the doves take flight and follow their own path for short periods of time, not tied to each other every moment of every passing day. But when the darkness sets in, whether their day’s journey has been together or apart, they both return to the safe place they know is home for the night, to each other.

The releasing of these white doves is a blessing to you both on this day. It is a reminder that while your lives, your paths and your other commitments may often lead you in opposite directions, you always have a place to come home to, to find each other and be one."

Release the doves
"As these doves fly they will carry for you and all of your loved ones here present, wishes for peace, love and hope for your future life together."

Wedding Photos - What Does Your Photographer Need to Know From You?

Planning a wedding is one of those experiences that will be forever remembered. You'll recall the moment you found the perfect dress, the day you and your significant other agreed on the venue, and the second you chose your wedding photographer for those picture perfect moments. The latter is one of the most important of these moments, because those pictures are going to be what really keeps your memory sharp.

 

Once you’ve chosen your wedding photographer they will usually ask to meet with you to run through some questions, and you may be wondering what it is they want to know. Here we take you through some of the bases they’ll cover, so you can be ready with the answers that best reflect what you want from your wedding photography.

The Family Dynamic

One of the first things that your wedding photographer will want to know from you is your family dynamic. This includes biological family and in-laws. The reason it is important to inform your photographer of your family dynamic is that most pictures taken will include family, and when there is a negative feeling between family members, the entire photograph can be ruined. So, to mitigate this issue, the photographer will be able to be more selective in who stands in a photo and who does not. Also, when mentioning family dynamic, explain which individuals you'd like in certain photos and any standard family photos that you'd like.

What is Your Style

One of the most important things a photographer will ask is what style of photography you have in mind for your wedding photos, and whether you think their portfolio is a good fit for you. You may have chosen the photographer on the basis of price or because they’re a friend or a friend, but it is important to them, and to you, that you actually take the time to look through their past work and make sure you’re happy with their style – because every photographers’ work will be different. Choose some of their photos that you really like the style of so they know along what lines you’re thinking, and if you come across a photo in a magazine, online or even an old family snap that you love, bring them along – the more reference you can provide the better.

Customary or Religious Considerations

The photographer will want to know about the ceremony side of your wedding and any customs or considerations they should be aware of. If they have experience in the type of ceremony you will be having, whether it’s Catholic, Hindu, Greek, Jewish etc., they may also be able to provide you with some insight into considerations that you may not have thought of. For example, many Catholic brides and grooms are not aware that some Catholic celebrants are not comfortable having a photographer circling the bride and groom or stepping onto the altar and causing distractions during the sacrament of marriage. Therefore they must first get permission from their celebrant before inviting a photographer into the ceremony. The more information you can give the photographer, the smoother your day will run – the last thing they want to do is step on any toes or make a faux-pas!

The Venue

In many cases, wedding photographers want to know what to expect when attending a venue. The venue is an extremely important element for photographers to take into consideration – it allows them to plan for lighting requirement as well as brainstorm some creative ideas based on surroundings.

Specifics of the Wedding Day

The photographer will understand the extent of careful planning going into your wedding day, and they’ll want to make sure they fit themselves in seamlessly with the itinerary you have in mind, rather than dictate it for you. To make things easier for the photographer and to allow him or her to do their job, one thing you should do is provide the itinerary and also let them know what specific moments you want to be photographed. This could include after the meal, during dancing, before the ceremony, during the ceremony, and so forth. Being clear about what you want is the best way to go about the process.

The Best Man or Bridesmaid

The next thing to cover is preparation for the photographs. While you can provide as much detail as possible about ‘who’s who’ in the family, the photographer won’t know you or your guests well enough to round up the right group or find Aunt Millie in the bathrooms. As well as this, during the course of taking the pictures someone might need something held, something moved, hair fixed or dress trains moved. While the photographer can direct, he or she cannot take charge of holding things while taking the photograph. So, one thing the photographer will want to know is if you have someone who can help you out during these instances – usually the best man or bridesmaid. It will make the photographer's job easier and it will create a more relaxed environment for better photographs.

About the Guest Blogger

Anna-Nicole Del Re is a professional photographer and the Marketing & Operations Manager at Viva Photography, a leading Wedding and Portrait photographer in Perth, Western Australia and Melbourne Victoria. Connect with Anna-Nicole on Google+

 

Wedding Favors - How to Choose

Some couples find choosing a wedding favor one of the most difficult tasks when planning their wedding. I'm going to share with you some tips in making this process easier... and maybe even a little enjoyable.

Note: all images from My Wedding Favors who have an amazing range of fabulous favors to choose from at www.myweddingfavors.com

Choose something practical. Can your guests use the item after the wedding or will it become another dust collector on their shelf?

Choose a favor that represents you as a couple. You may like to choose something that is personal to you as a couple. Perhaps you met at a coffee shop, a set of short black coffee glasses would be perfect... and tick the box of something practical also!

Everyone loves an edible favor. Your guests will love a tasty treat - and im not talking sugar coated almonds either.

Does the item fit your theme? If you are having a rootin-tootin cowboy theme? Then choose a wedding favor that represents this.

Budget ( I bet your sick of hearing that word!). Yes you must consider your budget when choosing a wedding favor. Try to choose something that can be used by the couple, that way you are not buying a per person male / female gift - instead you are buying something they can share.

I love the range of wedding favors from www.myweddingfavors.com - check them out for some inspiration!

The Wedding Gurus

xx

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - A Fishy Tradition for the Groom (Korea)

 A Fishy Korean Ritual/Tradition

If you're looking for something out of the ordinary, then this one is for you!

In this Korean tradition the poor groom is subjected to some pretty interesting antics. Usually done in the spirit of providing him with increased strength for the wedding night, this ritual begins after the main ceremony. 

The Groom’s ‘friends’ (using the term loosely right now) will tie his ankles together with rope then take off his socks in order to beat the soles of his feet with a fish – A Yellow Corvina.

Pic From: bluedragon.en.ec21.com

Odd? Yes a little, but it is all done in the spirit of good will and as a fun gesture of friendship, so who are we to judge?

We just love these strange and out there rituals/ideas, so if you know of any you would like us to use, please feel free to drop us a line in the comments section.

The Wedding Gurus
xxx

Wedding Planning - family arguments and disagreements

Over the last 20 years as a marriage and funeral celebrant, I have seen literally everything when it comes to weddings, planning stress and family difficulties.

I have worked with so many couples who were dealing with issues like:

• Family disputes

• Divorced and non-speaking parents

• Family issues related to dislike of the person you’re marrying

• Family or friends who are refusing to come because someone they don't like is invited

• Bridal party fights and issues

• Bridal party members who are making trouble or not showing up

• Issues around kids being invited

• and religious issues for the couple and their families

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many more!

So, the point of this post is to consider some of the ways couples can reduce their stress around these issues so that they can have the day they want to have, not the day that has been changed and even at times ruined by others.

REMEMBER: No matter what happens, at the end of the day, the goal through all of this is to be married and you will be. You absolutely will be.

Preparing for potential issues:

It is rare for a couple to plan a wedding without encountering a single hiccup. It's important to remember, you are not alone if you're facing some stressful issues. However, you can set yourselves up for a smoother ride by panning ahead. 

First, from the moment you get engaged, understand that problems will come up and accept that. Things won't run perfectly so don't be alarmed when something does happen.

Second, don't overreact. In high stress situations it's easy to catastrophise, so when something does come up, take a minute, breathe and look at the big picture BEFORE reacting or saying anything you might regret. Give yourself a minute to think.

Third, assess whether the issue/s will really have an impact on you and your partner long-term. Will this be something that causes long-term harm, or is it just a hiccup that won't matter too much when you're looking back at the day in years to come. Talk it over with your partner and make sure you agree on your assessment of the situation. You're a team!

Fourth, understand that while your wedding is important, people around you have things going on too. When someone can't make it, can't get a baby sitter for that night, or can't help you with something they said they would, let yourself feel the irritation and move on quickly. People have things going on that others might not know about and it's better to just move on quickly and find another option rather than dwell on why they can't help or whatever the situation might be. Dwelling will waste your energy and lower your mood. Don't let the actions of others reduce your excitement and shine.

Fifth, build in pockets of time in the lead up to the wedding to take time out and de-stress. Take some time alone to remind yourself that the point of getting married is to commit to your partner. It is not to have every tiny detail fall perfectly into place for your fairytale. Relax, meditate if you need or just go for a calm walk in nature and reset your emotions so you can keep moving forward with a clear head. (Check out our post for Bridal Meditation).

Sixth, and last but not least, while it is your big day and your family and friends should behave well and support you, ALWAY try to put yourself in the other person/peoples position when issues arise. If it is a family member who doesn't want to see another guest, try to be empathetic and do what you can, but if you can't resolve it, simply explain to the person that you can't and allow them to either suggest a solution or not attend if they feel they can't. Forcing people into uncomfortable situations isn't good for anyone, including you and your partner. If it is someone who is wanting to bring their child and you are having a child-free wedding, simply write them a nice message saying that you totally understand if they can't make it due to parenting responsibilities. Many couples are now live-streaming their ceremony so distant family and friends can still attend (and it's a great way to reduce cost!)

REMEBER - be calm and empathetic but firm in your responses to issues that others bring up. Even if all of the above were to happen, and even if important people couldn't be there for you, the wedding is about marrying your partner and by the end of the day, you will be married. That's all that really matters. 

Check out some of our other posts for other ideas while planning your big day.

Good Luck!

The Wedding Gurus xx

Your Wedding Day - How to make sure you soak it in

 

As a wedding celebrant I have the unique opportunity to be standing right there beside hundreds of couples as they take that huge leap into marriage and commit their lives, hopes and dreams to each other. 

It's an interesting vantage point because over the years it has really demonstrated to me how we all love and commit to another in our own unique way. Some couples are laughing and joking, others are teary and nervous, and others are so focussed on each other they barely notice anyone else is even there!

No matter what kind of couple you are, the most important thing is that your wedding day really reflects who you are. Sure, it's a serious occasion and you might have lots of guests there, but when those people who know and love you walk away from your wedding thinking, that was so them, then that is what really counts.

So, if you and your partner are the kind of couple who joke and tease each other, your ceremony should really have that feel. If you and your partner are serious and romantic, then that should shine through in your wedding ceremony and the vows you say to each other.

But, there's one very important thing I always try to reinforce when I'm working with couples, no matter how they intend to approach their wedding day - MAKE SURE YOU TAKE A BREATH AND SOAK IT IN. 

It is so easy to get caught up with all the noise, the details, the planning, who is where and whether everything is going to plan, but on that day, the most important thing is being there and being present with the person you love, in the moment, and committing your life to them. Even if small things go wrong, you'll still be married at the end of the day, which is the whole point of doing it!

Sometimes when I'm standing beside the groom (or the partner who is beside me) and the bride (or other partner) is about to walk down the aisle, I'll whisper, 'This is it. It's finally here. Look where you are.' and I'll hear them suck in a breath and hold it. The emotion, the excitement, the nervousness as their loved one is about to come and join them and take vows filled with promises of forever. It's a beautiful moment to be a part of and so very important for the couple.

Another opportunity to really soak it in is when signing the legal paperwork (if it's done that way in your country). The couple and celebrant go over to the signing table and the couple sit down. I often fuss around a little bit and give them a minute to chat and laugh and look at each other and then I'll say to them, Can you believe you're now married? and you see the way they look at each other in that moment. It's as if all the stress and worry melts away and their hopes and dreams and being set in motion.

There are also other opportunities to connect and bring yourself back to the moment throughout your wedding day. Every time it's feeling busy on the day, let that be a reminder to you to take a deep breath, look around you and commit it to your heart and memory. Squeeze your partners hand and let yourself feel the excitement of this life changing moment because in the coming years, and particularly in your older years, you will look back on this day and draw upon those feelings. it will become one of the defining moments of your life. 

Good luck!

The Wedding Gurus xx

 

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - Dance of the Crown from Finland

The stunning country of Finland, known to many as the land of a thousand lakes, is rich in beauty, culture and tradition. 

Like many, Finnish people love a good wedding and it is at the wedding ceremony that we see many of their rituals and traditions at work. We’ve chosen a few of our favourites that can be easily incorporated into your own wedding whether you are of Finnish heritage or not. On the day of her wedding, as the bride prepares for her big day, a golden crown is placed on her head for her to wear throughout the ceremony. She continues to wear the crown as they commence to their reception and it remains on her head until the time that the ‘Dance of the Crown’ is performed. 

 

This ritual dance sees the bridesmaids place a blindfold on the bride as they begin to move around her, dancing and confusing her of their place. Much like the tradition of the garter toss, the bride then places the crown on the head of one of the bridesmaids (it is left to fate as the bride cannot see who she is placing it on). It is this bridesmaid that is then, according to the tradition, the next one to be married. 

 

Another fun tradition that takes place at a Finnish wedding is the dance to end the celebrations. This is something that anyone could include in their wedding just for something different and fun. 

The last dance is known as the ‘Weaning Waltz’ and a group can be easily shown how to participate. To kick of the dancing an instrumental waltz is played as all female guests dance with only the bride and all male guests dance with only the groom. This works best if everyone gets in on it, even the grandparents and older guests and small children assisted by their parents. The bride and groom are whisked around the dance floor, briefly dancing with guests who endeavour to make them ‘forget’ their marriage partner. There is lots of laughter and fun until the bride and groom finally return to each others arms to complete the dance and show to all present that nothing can keep them apart. 

 

One of the most magical things about rituals and traditions in ceremony is that you don’t have to be a part of that culture to incorporate some of the fun and meaningful elements into your own ceremony. Find one that suits you as a couple and will add to your enjoyment of your day. 

 

The Wedding Gurus xxx

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - Libation Ceremony

 

There are some traditions or rituals practised throughout the world which are not unique to any one culture. These rituals, while often similar in nature, may have different relevance or significance depending on the situation. This is certainly true for ‘libation’ rituals.

The term libation; ‘the pouring of a liquid offering as a religious ritual’, is a traditional part of ceremonies practised by the ancient Greeks and Romans, some African tribes and Burmese Buddhists, to name only a few. The liquid offered may be any number of substances (wine, water, oil), depending on the cultural origins of the ceremony.

Requirements: Liquid of your choice, pouring vessel.

In some African cultures, an essential part of any ceremony is the pouring of a libation. Sometimes water, but more often a traditional wine, is used for the ritual. A prayer calling all to attend and participate is given by an elder, who through this tradition, invokes both ancestors and Gods to be present.

Example: A Libation Prayer

We give praise to the Almighty power

Praise to our ancestors and the roots from which we came.

To truly know his Creator, a man must know his roots.

Let our ancestors and the spirit of the Creator bring us closer in unity.

This ceremony demonstrates the people’s recognition and obligation to their ancestors and to their Gods. The Ancient Romans were also great believers in the use of libation rituals in ceremony. The pouring of wine and perfumed oil was considered an eminent act of veneration.

Libation rituals are still found today in formal ceremonies, (eg. baptism, formal toasts and even in the launching of a ship), and in popular culture, (winning the Grand Prix or ‘drowning your sorrows’ at losing a football match).  In the United States, the term ‘tipping a forty to their memory’, involves tipping a small amount of liquid (usually liquor) from a glass before drinking, paying respect to and in memory of those no longer with us.

A Libation Ritual is a simple and practical ritual to use in a wedding ceremony.  It doesn’t cost anything extra and allows the  ‘head’ of either family, a grandmother or grandfather, the Celebrant, Best Man or anyone of the couple’s choosing to conduct the ritual and say a few words as to the sentiment behind it. A libation is a simple, yet powerful way to acknowledge and pay respect to those unable to participate; a family member separated by distance or a loved one who has passed away.

‘The two eldest members of these families have been seated in a very special place today - one on the bride’s side and one on the groom’s. They have been given pride of place at this ceremony for good reason - in the aisle, nearest the couple, to remind them that the wisdom of their elders is always within reach and close at hand.

‘I have been charged with the responsibility of offering a libation in the hope that the living and the dead, the young and the old, may come together. I pour a libation of ‘Uisge, Baugh’ (Irish Gaelic ‘The Water of Life’ - Irish Whiskey) itself a ‘spirit’, which represents stimulation, invigoration and energy. It is poured in the four directions -- North, South, East and West -- to open the way for the spirits of our ancestors and loved ones to be here with us’.

‘I call on our forebears, who stood for unity and togetherness, to stand beside us on this day, and I invite everyone present to call out the names of those who are dear to them, both ancestors and those more recently passed, in the hope that they too, will cast their love, wisdom and courage on these two people who are coming together to be married. They have, by their very presence promised to do their best to maintain this relationship and the unity of family.

May the love that has been bestowed upon you today remain with you through whatever may come and may this libation always remind you that your connections to past and present are ever near.’

The Wedding Gurus x

What music should you have for your wedding ceremony

Music is a huge part of your wedding ceremony and to be honest, it really sets the tone and feel for the day. Live music is always amazing, but for some (many) couples, money is just too tight and it can't make the budget. 

It's really important to be clear about what options are available when it comes to the use of music on your big day. 

The following options might help you out:

Option 1.  Use the celebrant's PA system. 

Most celebrants will have their own PA system for you to play your music from (be sure to ask them in your planning meeting). 

On the day and you can just bring along a phone or iPad (or whatever device you have your songs on) to plug into the PA. 

Note: with this option, you may need someone from your group to press the play and stop buttons as the celebrant will be up the front with you and not near the PA and may not have a remote control. The celebrant can easily give the person a quick run through of what to press before the ceremony starts.

If you choose to play from a device, you might want to create 3 separate playlists. This is best done using an app like Spotify premium (no ads!) and downloading the playlist to the device in case there are any wifi issues at your ceremony location.

The playlists can be put into the following categories for ease of playing.

1.     Before – this is a playlist with about 10 songs that can be played in the 30 minutes or so while guests are arriving. This sets a nice tone and feel for the ceremony.

2.     Entrance – this is the entrance song for the bride/groom and bridal party if they are entering in the traditional way. This can be 1 song or 2 if you want the bridesmaids to have a different song from the bride.

3.     Signing – this is a playlist of about 5 songs to be played while the couple and their witnesses are signing the legal documents. It allows the guest to enjoy the moment and the atmosphere.

Option 2. Instead of using the celebrant's PA system, you can bring along a portable speaker of your own to play the music. You can have a friend look after setting it up and pressing play and stop. This options also means that you can test your music etc before the big day and give the friend a run-through.

Option 3. You can book an audio person to handle all of the sound/mic stuff for the ceremony on the day. this means you can relax and not worry about a thing!

Option 4. You can hire a live musician for your ceremony. This creates a fabulous atmosphere and is the best option if you can afford it. 

No matter which option you choose, putting a bit of time and planning into your ceremony music will ensure that you and your guests really set the tone for a fun and gorgeous day.

The Wedding Gurus x

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - Song of the Bride (Romania)

There are a treasure trove of rituals and traditions that originate from Romania and people from different regions practice these in varied forms. The important ceremonial rituals practiced as part of a wedding are heavily dependant upon which region the couple come from.

One ritual/tradition that we came across takes place in the hours leading up to the wedding when the bride is preparing for the day. While she is dressing, the bridesmaids and best friends all gather and assist her.  This is a very important part of the preparation and can be a very emotional and moving moment for the bride and those closest to her. 

As they prepare her for her ceremony a song, "Say farewell bride to your family and house"- "Ia-ti mireasa ziua buna" is played and with an overflow of emotion, is often accompanied by tears and embraces  from all present. We found a rough translation of the lyrics:

Song of the Bride:
Say goodbye bride to your mother, to your father
To your sisters, to your brothers, to your garden with flowers
To your friends and neighbours, to the games or lover
Cry bride, today is the day
It's time to forget your father and love your husband
To forget your mother and to love your mother- in- law
To forget about your sisters and to love your sisters-in-law
 
You will go with your husband and you will leave behind everything you had.

Today with many couples living together before they are married, much of this significance can be lost, but for those who are coming from their parents home to join their husband in a new home and a new life, this rite of passage is still very special.

The Wedding Gurus xx

 

Ditch the Bridezilla and be a total Bridecess

 

Yes we made it up, but ‘Bridecess’ is our new favourite word!

... July is upon us and it has prompted our thoughts to turn to wedding trends and ideas for 2023.

 Now this may be somewhat controversial given the society we live in, our love of good drama, and the popularity of some TV shows, but it is our belief (The Wedding Gurus) that

‘Bridezilla’ is well and truly OUT!

Being a bride has always carried with it a certain elegance and beauty that those of us who have not been lucky enough to walk down the aisle can only dream of experiencing.

We imagine ourselves moving graciously down the flower adorned aisle or pathway to join our fabulous waiting partner as all our guests and loved ones look on in awe and shed a tear in response to the heart warming exchange between the couple - the loves of their lives.

With this in mind, how then did it ever become fashionable to transform into what we know as 'Bridezilla'?

The word itself brings to mind a horrific picture: A bride in a huge flouncy dress screaming and frothing at the mouth as others try desperately to tame and calm her outbursts. Is it really ever pleasant to have people see us this way on what should be our time to really shine?

Lets be real. Do you honestly want to be seen as an out of control, screaming, nasty bride to be, so feared by not only your bridesmaids, but also your friends and family that by the time the big day arrives they would much rather suffocate you than be part of your special day?

Or do you want to aspire to the persona of someone like Princess Kate Middleton (see where the word Bridecess came from?) who showed courtesy and good manners to all those around her and pulled it all off with such elegance and class? (or if you don't want to go that far, which is understandable, just be someone that puts on a good show and makes people feel welcome!)

We want to convince every one of you to aspire to be a gorgeous and glowing bride, one that is calm, in control and who leaves every person in the room thinking what a perfect choice the groom/partner has made.

Let the singles wish they were you or wish they had found you first. Let the elderly people comment on your glow and your fun, while the married women wish they had been so fabulous on their wedding day. Let your parents burst with pride at what a great job they have done and your in-laws feel grateful for the daughter they are gaining. Let your bridesmaids feel excited and privileged to have such a great friend and to have had an absolutely fabulous time helping you with this wedding. But most of all ,let your partner feel that they are absolutely the luckiest person alive to be the one standing beside you.

So......ditch that old Bridezilla (its so 2015) and find your inner Bridecess. Your friends, family, bridesmaids and soon to be marriage partner will all thank you for it.

We’ve put together a few ways that we think you can achieve the true title of ‘Bridecess’

1. Accept the fact that things will go wrong, they always do but it is the way you react to it that will determine whether it complete ruins your wedding or is remembered as merely a road bump on the way to a perfect day.

2. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people who will be there to help you and remind you of the real meaning of the day.

3. Be organised, plan and work out every detail so that nothing can pop up and stress you out.

4. Scheduling 'you' time that does not involve wedding planning and is relaxing and uplifting.

5. Throw out all the old sayings you have heard –

"You cant please them all so just please yourself",

"You can pick your friends but you cant pick your relatives".

“Weddings are as stressful as a death in the family"

All of these statements carry some degree of truth, but if you approach wedding planning in this negative frame of mind you will feel nothing but stress and anxiety. Of course you have to think about your guests and wedding party, it’s primarily your day but they are all playing a part and deserve to enjoy it too.

6. Lastly but most importantly don’t forget that you are a couple and this is supposed to be the happiest day of both of your lives. Imagine how it feels to be a partner about to marry thier true love only to see her go from being a wonderful person to a total out of control train wreck.

Do you want your tantrums, tears and bad behaviour to be etched in the memories of your guests when they recall your wedding day? or do want them to be using you as their example when they begin planning their day?

Queens, you've got this. 

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

 

 

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - Dove Release

 

Including a Dove Release can be a beautiful and symbolic addition to any wedding ceremony. The symbolism is beautiful and the spectacle is even more so.

Celebrant:
"White doves mate for life and much like a married couple, sometimes the doves take flight and follow their own path for short periods of time, not tied to each other every moment of every passing day. But when the darkness sets in, whether their day’s journey has been together or apart, they both return to the safe place they know is home for the night, to each other.

The releasing of these white doves is a blessing to you both on this day. It is a reminder that while your lives, your paths and your other commitments may often lead you in opposite directions, you always have a place to come home to, to find each other and be one."

Release the doves

"As these doves fly they will carry for you and all of your loved ones here present, wishes for peace, love and hope for your future life together."

The Wedding Gurus xx

Is your partner just not getting it when it comes to wedding planning?

 Is your partner just not getting it when it comes to wedding planning?

The wedding Gurus like to keep up on all the gossip around town when it comes to wedding planning and one thing that we see on a regular basis is where one partner is struggling to get the other to come to the party when it comes to planning their big day and spending a little money.

Now, we say spending a little money, but we all know that weddings can begin to burn a hole in those hardworking pockets pretty darn quick. In many situations your partner is probably right to try and keep things in check and make sure that costs are staying within the agreed budget (did you make one of those in the first place? If not, now might be a good time)

But what we’re hearing is that some brides are struggling with partners who are not only irritated and overwhelmed by the planning of it all, but also want the whole thing done and dusted on a few hundred dollars and this is causing some real relationship stress for some couples.

So, if your partner is finding the whole wedding planning stage a bit too much what are some strategies for dealing with it before it gets to breaking point?

1. Ask them to set aside a specific time to have a chat about things. In the lead up to that time, try not to harp on about he wedding or costs or anything else. Where possible, be the couple you’ve always been and save the wedding talk for the allocated time.

2. When you do sit down at the arranged time, be prepared. Have a list of things that need to get sorted out and tackle them one at a time. Having an agreed total budget amount will definitely make it easier to make decisions and ensure that both of you are clear about what is expected. The budget is definitely the first thing to tackle and this can take some time, so have some estimates ready in order to help your case and ensure the budget is realistic.

3. Some people just don’t love this stuff, so if you have a partner who is struggling with the ‘big picture’ visuals that you have in mind, you might need to take it slow, perhaps show them some pictures and be willing to negotiate. It’s so easy to get caught up with flower walls, lighting backdrops and chandelier candelabras, but if you’re mortgaging your house to pay for it, then some things might have to go. Be prepared to listen to what they think and scale back on some things that may be a little over the top.

4. Have a set list (yep another one!) of things that you each need to do or be a part of. For example, your partner may need to organise the fittings for the outfits, the transport, alcohol and a number of other things. And you will be organising the invites, hair trials, etc. Include the tasks that you will also need to do together, eg, seeing the caterer, photographer, celebrant etc. It is also a good idea to have required completion dates next to each task so that you both have a timeframe to work within.

5. Once you’ve had your set time to chat about all of the wedding details and plans, try to let it fall into the background while you each work from your list. No one likes to constantly be asked where they’re at and if things have been done, especially is the topic is a little sensitive and one partner is feeling a little ‘managed’. When the tasks reach their completion date, check in and see if they have been done and re-visit the next set of tasks in the planning.

Planning a wedding can be great fun for a couple, but it can also be absolutely awful and bring about a questioning of the relationship. Try to remember that we each have different ideas and place different values on things and sometimes your partner may not be completely on the same page as you. While one partner may have been dreaming of the perfect white wedding, a gigantic cake and a wall covered in flowers, the other might be placing more value on having family and fiends present and committing their lives to the other person. Marriage, after the party, is constant negotiation and compromise so now is a great time to get some practice!

Good luck xx

Writing your own wedding vows - a guide for planning

 Should we write our own vows?

If I had a dollar for every time couples asked me this question, let’s just say I would be lying on a beach in the Bahamas sipping a cocktail.

There is really no right or wrong answer to this question and it is honestly nothing more than a consideration of what kind of person you are and if you feel confident with words and your ability to deliver them in front of a live audience. One thing that I have definitely noticed is that the ladies are always far more eager to take on this task than the gentlemen. Why? I really have no idea but for some reason it almost always seems to be the case all but for a few exceptions.

When I sit down to put together a ceremony with a couple, the vows is always the section that takes us the longest to work through. There are lots of options and different methods of delivery and it’s often hard to decide in advance what your level of confidence will be like on the day.

The easiest way to do this is to break it down into 2 sections and they are Delivery and Content.

Firstly, delivery –    Do you want to repeat them after the celebrant or priest?

                                Read them from a card or

                                Recite them from memory

Making a decision about which method of delivery you will use greatly affects your content but we will look at that in a moment.

Secondly, content –  Do you want to write something personal from the heart

                                  Choose a standard vow(modern or traditional)

                                  Adapt/reword a standard vow or one personally written by someone else

Choosing a particular mode of delivery directly affects your choice of content due to the fact that if you really want to repeat the words after the Celebrant/Priest then 2-3 lines is about the maximum length you can use. Something personally written is usually not a good choice in this instance because it tends to be longer than 2-3 lines and does not come across well to guests. Vows longer than 2-3 lines are not pleasant when repeated because as you can imagine the guests feel like they are watching a tennis match, celebrant says a couple words, bride repeats the words, celebrant says a couple more words, Bride repeats and so on and on and on and then it’s the grooms turn to do it all over again!

Repeat: If you choose the option repeating after the Celebrant/Priest, by far the best idea is to choose either a short standard Vow or a personal vow that is no longer than about 3 lines in length (including the legal wording).

Read: If you are happy to read your Vows from a card then you are free to write anything you want as long as you ensure that the approx 2 lines that the Commonwealth stipulate must be said in order for your marriage to be valid (your celebrant or priest will discuss this with you).

HANDYHINT: If you decide to write your own vows then a great thing to bring it all to life is to write your vows to each other secretly and submitted them to the Celebrant/Priest separately so that the other does not know what will be said on the day. This is wonderful and adds an element of excitement for you as the couple on the day. I have seen this leave couples sobbing when the words are spoken.

Recite: The final option is to recite your vows from memory. When I got married many years  ago, I remember the Deacon who married us saying that we MUST learn our vows because it is the one thing that we have to do for ourselves on the day. I understand his point about he fact that each person should make the effort to at least remember what they want to say to the other, but in all honesty it ruined my experience of my ceremony because I was so petrified of forgetting the vows that it was all I could think about or concentrate on rather than really enjoying my wedding day and having all of my family and friends together.

Since then I have only ever had two couples who were absolutely sure that they wanted to recite their vows from memory and they were practising right up until the last moment and ………. in both cases I ended up having to prompt them through it. It is not because they just suddenly forgot, it is because it is very difficult to anticipate how powerful it is standing up there and the rollercoaster of emotions that is consuming you as you look at each other with all of your loved ones looking on.

My final bit of info on this topic is just a small caution. If you are going to write your own vows and especially if you are going to keep them secret, MAKE SURE that you are on the same page in terms of the tone. For example I had a couple who submitted their vows separately and while his was a full page of gushing about how divine his beautiful bride to be was and how he had fallen in love with her from the instant he saw her, when I read her vows my heart almost skipped a beat. Her vows were a hilarious account of their life together and all of his bad habits that disgusted her and drove her crazy and how she loved him for it. Both were great stories, but it would have been a disaster for him to give his loving speech only for her to follow with her comedy routine.

When deciding on what to choose for your vows, talk to each other about it and try to find an option that you are both comfortable with. A good Celebrant or Priest will always have a stack of options and ideas so rely on their expertise to guide you in the right direction.

If you have any problems or questions at all, feel free to comment. We're more than happy to help you out.

The Wedding Gurus xx