Is your partner just not getting it when it comes to wedding planning?
The
wedding Gurus like to keep up on all the gossip around town when it comes to
wedding planning and one thing that we see on a regular basis is where one partner is struggling to get the other to come to the party when it comes to
planning their big day and spending a little money.
Now,
we say spending a little money, but
we all know that weddings can begin to burn a hole in those hardworking pockets
pretty darn quick. In many situations your partner is probably right to try and
keep things in check and make sure that costs are staying within the agreed
budget (did you make one of those in the first place? If not, now might be a
good time)
But
what we’re hearing is that some brides are struggling with partners who are not
only irritated and overwhelmed by the planning of it all, but also want the
whole thing done and dusted on a few hundred dollars and this is causing some
real relationship stress for some couples.
So,
if your partner is finding the whole wedding planning stage a bit too much what are
some strategies for dealing with it before it gets to breaking point?
1.
Ask them to set aside a specific time to have a chat about things. In the lead
up to that time, try not to harp on about he wedding or costs or anything else.
Where possible, be the couple you’ve always been and save the wedding talk for
the allocated time.
2.
When you do sit down at the arranged time, be prepared. Have a list of things
that need to get sorted out and tackle them one at a time. Having an agreed
total budget amount will definitely make it easier to make decisions and ensure
that both of you are clear about what is expected. The budget is definitely the
first thing to tackle and this can take some time, so have some estimates ready
in order to help your case and ensure the budget is realistic.
3.
Some people just don’t love this stuff, so if you have a partner who is struggling with the ‘big picture’
visuals that you have in mind, you might need to take it slow, perhaps show them some pictures and be willing to negotiate. It’s so easy to get caught up with
flower walls, lighting backdrops and chandelier candelabras, but if you’re
mortgaging your house to pay for it, then some things might have to go. Be
prepared to listen to what they think and scale back on some things that may be
a little over the top.
4.
Have a set list (yep another one!) of things that you each need to do or be a
part of. For example, your partner may need to organise the fittings for the outfits, the
transport, alcohol and a number of other things. And you will be organising the
invites, hair trials, etc. Include the tasks that you will also need to do
together, eg, seeing the caterer, photographer, celebrant etc. It is also a
good idea to have required completion dates next to each task so that you both
have a timeframe to work within.
5.
Once you’ve had your set time to chat about all of the wedding details and
plans, try to let it fall into the background while you each work from your
list. No one likes to constantly be asked where they’re at and if things have
been done, especially is the topic is a little sensitive and one partner is
feeling a little ‘managed’. When the tasks reach their completion date, check
in and see if they have been done and re-visit the next set of tasks in the
planning.
Planning
a wedding can be great fun for a couple, but it can also be absolutely awful
and bring about a questioning of the relationship. Try to remember that we each
have different ideas and place different values on things and sometimes your
partner may not be completely on the same page as you. While one partner may
have been dreaming of the perfect white wedding, a gigantic cake and a wall
covered in flowers, the other might be placing more value on having family and
fiends present and committing their lives to the other person. Marriage, after
the party, is constant negotiation and compromise so now is a great time to get
some practice!
Good
luck xx
