The wedding day first look - raw emotion as the couples eyes meet

As a celebrant, I am lucky enough to get to spend time with each couple in the lead up to their wedding day. Getting to know them, planning their ceremony and working out the right wording takes time and it is during this time that I usually get a real sense of who they are and how they ‘fit’ together as a couple. 

At some stage in this process we usually get the part where we either have a rehearsal or at least a run through of what will happen on the day and where everyone will stand. This is usually fun and exciting, but I have found that despite going over all the details, it in no way prepares them for the explosion of emotion and love they often feel overcome by at the very moment they see each other on the day.

The celebrant usually arrives at the venue at least half an hour in advance on the day in order to set up and prepare documents etc. In a ceremony with a bride and groom, the groom and his groomsmen are usually wandering around, greeting guests as they arrive and looking generally nervous!

As the moment draws near and tensions build, the bride finally arrives and as I usher the groom and groomsmen into position, the nerves and anticipation of the guests are palpable.

As we wait, the groomsmen are usually giving the groom grief, teasing him and making jokes, but as the bride appears from whatever direction she enters, the mood changes. All eyes are on his bride and I would have to say that in about 80 percent of cases, the groom cries. Not sobbing or bawling, but tears of joy, of gratitude and of how lucky he feels. This is particularly true when the couple have children and the children enter in front of the bride. Even the biggest, blokiest of them all usually succumb (and in fact are often the softest!) Its a beautiful moment and one that I feel so honoured to share with the couple.

Where we have two grooms or two brides, it's pretty much the same, but sometimes they will arrive together or both walk down the aisle separately and sometimes have mixed bridal parties. 

No matter what it may be, the exchange between the couple when they first see each other is magical and I feel so blessed to get to be a part of life's big moments like this.

So, make sure your photographer knows that you want to capture that moment and they are ready top snap when your eyes first meet on the aisle to becoming a married couple.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Your Wedding Day - How to make sure you soak it in

 

As a wedding celebrant I have the unique opportunity to be standing right there beside hundreds of couples as they take that huge leap into marriage and commit their lives, hopes and dreams to each other. 

It's an interesting vantage point because over the years it has really demonstrated to me how we all love and commit to another in our own unique way. Some couples are laughing and joking, others are teary and nervous, and others are so focussed on each other they barely notice anyone else is even there!

No matter what kind of couple you are, the most important thing is that your wedding day really reflects who you are. Sure, it's a serious occasion and you might have lots of guests there, but when those people who know and love you walk away from your wedding thinking, that was so them, then that is what really counts.

So, if you and your partner are the kind of couple who joke and tease each other, your ceremony should really have that feel. If you and your partner are serious and romantic, then that should shine through in your wedding ceremony and the vows you say to each other.

But, there's one very important thing I always try to reinforce when I'm working with couples, no matter how they intend to approach their wedding day - MAKE SURE YOU TAKE A BREATH AND SOAK IT IN. 

It is so easy to get caught up with all the noise, the details, the planning, who is where and whether everything is going to plan, but on that day, the most important thing is being there and being present with the person you love, in the moment, and committing your life to them. Even if small things go wrong, you'll still be married at the end of the day, which is the whole point of doing it!

Sometimes when I'm standing beside the groom (or the partner who is beside me) and the bride (or other partner) is about to walk down the aisle, I'll whisper, 'This is it. It's finally here. Look where you are.' and I'll hear them suck in a breath and hold it. The emotion, the excitement, the nervousness as their loved one is about to come and join them and take vows filled with promises of forever. It's a beautiful moment to be a part of and so very important for the couple.

Another opportunity to really soak it in is when signing the legal paperwork (if it's done that way in your country). The couple and celebrant go over to the signing table and the couple sit down. I often fuss around a little bit and give them a minute to chat and laugh and look at each other and then I'll say to them, Can you believe you're now married? and you see the way they look at each other in that moment. It's as if all the stress and worry melts away and their hopes and dreams and being set in motion.

There are also other opportunities to connect and bring yourself back to the moment throughout your wedding day. Every time it's feeling busy on the day, let that be a reminder to you to take a deep breath, look around you and commit it to your heart and memory. Squeeze your partners hand and let yourself feel the excitement of this life changing moment because in the coming years, and particularly in your older years, you will look back on this day and draw upon those feelings. it will become one of the defining moments of your life. 

Good luck!

The Wedding Gurus xx

 

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - Song of the Bride (Romania)

There are a treasure trove of rituals and traditions that originate from Romania and people from different regions practice these in varied forms. The important ceremonial rituals practiced as part of a wedding are heavily dependant upon which region the couple come from.

One ritual/tradition that we came across takes place in the hours leading up to the wedding when the bride is preparing for the day. While she is dressing, the bridesmaids and best friends all gather and assist her.  This is a very important part of the preparation and can be a very emotional and moving moment for the bride and those closest to her. 

As they prepare her for her ceremony a song, "Say farewell bride to your family and house"- "Ia-ti mireasa ziua buna" is played and with an overflow of emotion, is often accompanied by tears and embraces  from all present. We found a rough translation of the lyrics:

Song of the Bride:
Say goodbye bride to your mother, to your father
To your sisters, to your brothers, to your garden with flowers
To your friends and neighbours, to the games or lover
Cry bride, today is the day
It's time to forget your father and love your husband
To forget your mother and to love your mother- in- law
To forget about your sisters and to love your sisters-in-law
 
You will go with your husband and you will leave behind everything you had.

Today with many couples living together before they are married, much of this significance can be lost, but for those who are coming from their parents home to join their husband in a new home and a new life, this rite of passage is still very special.

The Wedding Gurus xx

 

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - Dove Release

 

Including a Dove Release can be a beautiful and symbolic addition to any wedding ceremony. The symbolism is beautiful and the spectacle is even more so.

Celebrant:
"White doves mate for life and much like a married couple, sometimes the doves take flight and follow their own path for short periods of time, not tied to each other every moment of every passing day. But when the darkness sets in, whether their day’s journey has been together or apart, they both return to the safe place they know is home for the night, to each other.

The releasing of these white doves is a blessing to you both on this day. It is a reminder that while your lives, your paths and your other commitments may often lead you in opposite directions, you always have a place to come home to, to find each other and be one."

Release the doves

"As these doves fly they will carry for you and all of your loved ones here present, wishes for peace, love and hope for your future life together."

The Wedding Gurus xx

Valentine's Day - What's it all about?

 

Every year, the 14th day of February sees all of us, no matter what age or sex, scurrying about organising surprises, no matter how big or small and presenting our loved ones with flowers, chocolates and whatever other treat or gift we can think of to show our love.

Every table in every good restaurant is usually taken well in advance and God help the poor boyfriend, husband or fiancée who didn’t get a chance to shop!

While we give cards and gifts and hope we have someone care enough about us to leave a little surprise the history of St Valentine's day is actually very sweet and deserves some recognition.

Valentine's day, some say, originates from a bishop named Valentine, who was stationed in the Roman Empire. At that time the Emperor was Claudius II, who took it upon himself to decide that men who were not yet married actually made better soldiers than did the ones with wives and families.

It was this belief that brought about his decision to make it a rule of law that young men could not marry. Such an outrageous decision caused distress for so many young men and their sweethearts that round 270 A.D., it was bishop Valentine who took great pity on these poor and lonely soldiers who were pining for their loves and he began performing secret marriages against the ruling of the Emperor.

Once the secret marriages were found out Claudius II was enraged and jailed Valentine. While imprisoned Claudius II began his attempts to convert Valentine insisting that he worship only the Roman Gods, but Valentine refused and Instead, he began his own campaign to convert Claudius to Christianity.

Valentine was sentenced to be executed on February 24, 270.

There is also another version of the history of Valentine’s Day which tells a more romantic side to the story (which we all love of course!)

While imprisoned, Valentine fell in love with his jailer’s daughter. Just before his death, he sent his beloved a note telling her of his love and at the end the signature read “from your Valentine.” With the tale of deceit, romance and death, those who knew the story began to talk of the demise of Valentine and over time his fame was far reaching.

Bishop Valentine, having not only sacrificed his own life to help the young couples in love, also overcame the reality of his predicament to fall in love with his executioners daughter, became what a “Patron Saint” of love.  As time passed his legend lived on and many considered him the patron or spiritual overseer of an annual festival held on the 14th of February, in which young couples would give cards of love and affection to those they were not only already in love with, but to those they wished to date.

There are even Valentine cards in museums worldwide that date back to 1415.

We will leave you on this day of celebrating the uniqueness and beauty of love with this:

Sonnet 116 by William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments.

Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

0, no! it is an ever-fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle’s compass come;

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

 

 Happy Valentine's Day!

 

Hens Night Game: Find My Person

So, you're planning a Hens night? 

If you're heading into town, then this game will be the perfect addition to your night of fun. 

Create some playing cards by drawing or describing different types of people on them. For example, you may include a red-haired person with tattoos, a short person in a suit, or a muscular person with piercings. 

Each player is given three of these playing cards to take out on the night. The aim of the game is for each player to match their playing card to a real-life person. The player must take a picture of the matching person for proof. 

The first to find all three people matching their cards, wins.  

*TIP: We thought it would be a really easy and cool idea to hand out character cards from the game 'Guess Who' and have people find the person who looks like the guess who characters.

You can mix it up as much as you like.

Have fun!

A Family Unity Ritual - Exchange of Rings (including children)

With so many couples finding love later in life or when they already have children, Family Unity Rituals are fast becoming not only popular, but important in bringing a sense of commitment, readiness and togetherness to the wedding ceremony and to each member who is trying to find their places in the new family structure. 

This example is a simple way of including the children in making the commitment and leaving each member of the family with a lasting reminder of their inclusion.

 

At the point in the ceremony where the couple have exchanged their rings the celebrant will say: 

 

"Could I now ask Jasmine and Sarah to please come forward? Jake, can we please have the rings?"

 

(The children can either know about this or it can be a surprise for them. For a boy who would prefer not to wear a ring,  he may be given the ring on a chain to wear around his neck or something else appropriate.)

  

"Jasmine and Sarah, today your parents are making a life-long commitment to share the rest of their lives with each other as a couple, but they could not make those promises wholeheartedly without including the two of you. Not only are they making their vows to each other, but also to both of you to live the rest of each of your lives connected to one another always. (Mum & dad to place the rings on the girl’s fingers).

The relationship that you each have with the other members of this family are symbolized with the rings that you each now wear. Each one is perfectly round with no beginning or end and is made of the strongest metal. Today they represent everything that your parents hope for this family. For there to be no end and for this family to be made of the strength, love and commitment that each of you bring to it today.

 

May this togetherness never be broken and may your lives always be blended and intertwined with each other’s in happiness, hope and prosperity.

 

The Wedding Gurus.

Traditional Seating at a Formal Church or Civil Ceremony

As part of our ongoing 52 Rituals/Traditions from around the world, we thought we might take a bit of a look at seating arrangements for the ceremony.

If you’re having a traditional church wedding or a large civil ceremony, but want to uphold some of the more formal or religious traditions around seating, you might want to consider the seating arrangements for the ceremony.

 

Traditionally, the bride's family and friends will be seated on the left hand side facing the front while the groom's family and friends are seated on the right. 

 

The best way to ensure that people sit where you want them to is to have an usher show people where to sit. This alleviates any confusion and lets guests know that it is okay to sit down and that they are in the right spot. Often people will stand around for fear of sitting somewhere they are not supposed to. Ushers should where possible seat guests as they arrive, from front rows to back

 

Another option is to simply place flowers or ribbons on the ends of the first few rows so that guests know that this is seating for immediate family and special guests.

Row 1 (front left) Should be set aside for the Bride's Parents – it can be difficult to organise if the parents are divorced, but if they are on good terms then they can sit together in the front row. However, if they are remarried or not on good terms, one parent and his/her new partner may like to sit a row or two back to keep things pleasant.;

Row 2 (front right) Should be set aside for the Groom's Parents – with the same considerations as above

Row 3. (second left) Should be set aside for the Bride's Grandparents and Siblings

Row 4. (second right) Should be set aside for the Groom's Grandparents and Siblings

Row 5. (third left) Should be set aside for the Bride's Special Guests

Row 6. (third right) Should be set aside for the Groom's Special Guests

All of the other rows can be filled with other guests in attendance as they please. It is best to have any young children toward the back so that if they need to be taken outside, it can be done without disruption to the service.

 

Of course, all of this is nothing more than a choice and if you decide to just mix it up a little and let guests sit anywhere then do what makes you happy! You can even add a fun sign that says:

No need to pick a side, we're all family now!

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Is ticking all the boxes ruining your chances of finding true love?

We live in a truly amazing time. A time of technology and instant access to, well, everything. If we want it, we can usually get it there and then and if we can’t we can probably at least order it online there and then! But there is one thing that continues to elude some in the fast-paced rat race we call life and that is of course ….Love.

In days long past it might have been as simple as glancing across a room and locking eyes with that one person who locked eyes back while for others, like a very great love story, it involved some kind of struggle or adversity, but in the end love triumphed. BUT for others, the all elusive ‘love’ has become stressful, fraught with anxiety, stress, worry and confusion.

 

We may live in an age where we can see everyone’s profile, what they look like and, irritatingly, what they had for breakfast, but with the rising number of divorces, growing depression and loneliness and general feelings of detachment that many singles are feeling when it comes to finding love are we really better off?

 

When you speak to your grandparents and in some cases even your parents about how they met, they speak of local dances, or double dating and chaperoned trips to the movies. People seemed to fall in love more often and easier without the complication of his/her ugly profile pic or finding some differing political view after stalking their Facebook profile. Somehow, it seems, that society now finds it acceptable for each person to have a ‘list’ and hard copy or mental page of tick boxes that a potential lover must at least be able to fill the majority of the page.

 

Someone I know, who shall remain nameless (for fear she will kill me), has one such list. It’s extensive, complicated and to be honest utterly unrealistic. Yet she stands by said list with vigour and should a potential date not tick one of the major items then he is out the door without a second thought. Strange? Apparently not, because it seems that more and more are adopting just such an approach.

 

In Shanghai, there are actually organised ‘Expo’s’ that offer singles seeking an ‘appropriate’ partner the opportunity to not only come along, but bring their entire family in order to find Mr or Mrs Right. It’s called the Annual Love and Marriage Expo, but there seems to be very little love in the atmosphere at these events that feel more like and business or career event.

 

According to CNN these gatherings, which attract a staggering amount of singles – in the thousands, are so big that they have to be held in a shopping complex! With as many parents roaming around looking for ‘suitable’ candidates for their children as there are singles themselves, many flock to the many billboards that display not only pictures, but essential information such as age, height, education and yes, you guessed, that most important piece, annual income. 

 

With speed dating on offer for many who have never even had a date before, love, romance and the old-fashioned, ‘getting to know each other' are not only forgotten, but seem impossible.

 

While we might laugh or scoff at how absurd it sounds, we need to ask ourselves, is this merely a more extreme version of ticking all the boxes? Is this what many singles with long lists of criteria are doing anyway? Perhaps it is a little more subtly or justified as trying to weed out Mr or Mrs Wrong, but are we in fact treating love and chemistry as something of a job and person specification? Could we be cheating ourselves out of finding the absolute most perfect person for us simply because a box or two has not been ticked?

 

Food for thought!

 

Wedding Ceremony planning

 

Let’s talk Ceremonies

To keep it upbeat and light I thought I would talk about ceremonies in general. Keep in mind that while couples spend months and thousands of dollars on their receptions, they sometimes forget about the ceremony. Of course the party and dancing are wonderful, but don’t forget that what you are there for is to actually commit to one another for life. Your family and guests aren’t just there for the free food and entertainment (although if your family is anything like mine, they may well be), they are there to see you make that commitments to one another. A good ceremony will envoke an emotive response in your guests with laughter and tears and warm memories.

So many clients come to me having absolutely no idea about how to plan their wedding ceremony, what the legal requirements are or how to put together something special and memorable which is what we all want, right?

The first question I usually ask them is “have you attended many ceremonies before?” Often the answer is no and it is at this point we start with a completely blank canvas and begin to build a fantastic ceremony from scratch.

Sometimes though, the answer is yes, so the next question I ask them is “thinking back to those ceremonies, what did you like, what did you dislike and were there any points during the ceremony that you felt like pulling your fingernails out with boredom?”

This is always a great place to start. It’s easy to pick someone elses ceremony to pieces so the best way to make yours great is to analyse those that you yourself have attended. It’s not about being mean, but about recognising what inspires and uplifts you and how you can put some of your own personalities into your big day so that it really reflects who you are as individuals and as a couple.

Once we have established a list of like’s and dislike’s then we are ready to start making some plans. There are so many choices, but the most important thing to establish before proceeding is if you want a more traditional ceremony or something modern and different. If you really want to stick with a traditional format, then there are plenty of things that you can incorporate to make it beautiful and most importantly your own. If you really want something different and modern however, then the world is your oyster so to speak!

There are so many considerations, such as the length of the ceremony, the wording, giving of the bride, readings, vows whether or not to include a ritual and the list goes on……

So what is the order of a ‘usual’ ceremony?

Well it goes something like this, but is open to modification:

 

 › Opening music details:

 › Details of Bridal parties entrance

› The Welcome: (Celebrant usually writes this – just 1-2 lines)

› Any announcements about having an unplugged ceremony - no photos or social media

› Acknowledgement of loved ones that are passed or can't be present

› Giving of the Bride:

› Introduction:

› 1^st Reading: To be read by:

› Celebrant’s legal words (where required)

› The Asking:

› The Vows: 

› The Ring Ceremony: 

› Details of any traditions/rituals/symbolism/blessings: 

› 2^nd Reading: To be read by:

› Declaration by Celebrant:

› Signing of Marriage Certificate & Register

› Presentation of Bride and Groom as Mr & Mrs

› Any announcements for guests - group photos or petal archway etc

 

So this is just a guide and as long as all of the legal requirements are met (depending on which country you live in of course) then you can add and remove things to suit your needs.

In future blogs I will address each of these sections individually and in more depth, so please post your comments or any questions and I am happy to answer or help in any way.

Top 100 Wedding Songs!

Choosing songs for your wedding can be a challenging task and it can become a really stressful one if you have no idea where to start.  

So, we have put together our  top 100 songs for you to help you make some choices. Feel free to let us know if there is one you love that we haven’t included.

 

1.               Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith

2.               You're Still The One - Shania Twain 

3.               Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden

4.               Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

5.               Amazed - Lonestar

6.               Angels - Robbie Williams

7.               When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating

8.               Everything I Do (I Do It For You) - Bryan Adams

9.               I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston

10.           You're Beautiful - James Blunt

11.           Shania Twain - From This Moment

12.           Van Morrison - Have I Told You Lately

13.           All About Loving You - Bon Jovi

14.           Can You Feel The Love Tonight - Elton John

15.           Tonight I Celebrate My Love - Peobo Bryson and Roberta Flack

16.           I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You – Elvis Presley

17.           Just the Way You Are – Billy Joel

18.           Endless Love – Lionel Richie and Diana Ross

19.           Dream Come True – Frozen Ghost

20.           Unforgettable - Natalie & Nat King Cole

21.           After All - Peter Cetera & Cher

22.           All My Life - Linda Ronstadt

23.           All My Life - KC & JoJo

24.           Always - Atlantic Star

25.           Always & Forever - Heatwave

26.           A Whole New World - Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle

27.           Back At One - Bryan McKnight

28.           Beautiful In My Eyes - Joshua Kadison

29.           Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion

30.           Breathe - Faith Hill

31.           Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

32.           Chances Are - Johnny Mathis

33.           Colour My World - Chicago

34.           Could I Have This Dance - Anne Murray

35.           Crazy - Patsy Cline

36.           Don't Know Much - Linda Ronstant & Aaron Neville

37.           Faithfully - Journey

38.           Forever - Mariah Carey

39.           Forever and Ever, Amen - Randy Travis

40.           From Here To Eternity - Michael Peterson

41.           Groovy Kind Of Love - Phil Collins

42.           Grow Old With Me - Mary Chapin Carpenter

43.           Hawaiian Wedding Song - Andy Williams

44.           Here & Now - Luther Vandross

45.           I Can Love You Like That - John Michael Montgomery or All-4-One

46.           I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin McCain

47.           I Cross My Heart - George Strait

48.           I Do (Cherish You) - 98 Degrees or Mark Wills

49.           I Don't Want To Miss A Thing - Aerosmith

50.           I Finally Found Someone - Bryan Adams & Barbara Streisand

51.           I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden

52.           I'll Be - Edwin McCain

53.           I'll Still Be Loving You - Restless Heart

54.           I Love The Way You Love Me - John Michael Montgomery

55.           In This Life - Colin Raye

56.           I Only Have Eyes For You - Art Garfunkel

57.           It Had To Be You - Harry Connick Jr.

58.           It's Your Love - Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

59.           I Swear - John Michael Montgomery or All-4-One

60.           Keeper Of The Stars - Tracy Byrd

61.           Lady In Red - Chris Deburgh

62.           Look At Us - Vince Gill

63.           Love Me Tender - Elvis Presley

64.           Love Can Build A Bridge - Judds

65.           Love Of A Lifetime - Firehouse

66.           Love Of My Life - Sammy Kershaw

67.           Masterpiece - Atlantic Starr

68.           Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller

69.           Moon River - Andy Willams

70.           More Than Words - Extreme

71.           More Than Words Can Say - Alias

72.           My Best Friend - Tim McGraw

73.           One In A Million - Larry Graham

74.           Only You - Platters

75.           Open Arms - Journey

76.           Power Of Love - Celine Dion

77.           Saving The Best For Last - Vanessa Williams

78.           Sea Of Love - Honeydrippers

79.           Stand By Me - Ben E. King

80.           Still The One - Shania Twain

81.           Take My Breath Away - Berlin

82.           That's Amore - Dean Martin

83.           That's What Friends Are For - Dionne Warwick

84.           The Time Of My Life - Bill Medley

85.           The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra

86.           Through The Eyes Of Love - Melissa Manchester

87.           Through The Years - Kenny Rogers

88.           To Make You Feel My Love - Garth Brooks

89.           True Companion - Marc Cohn

90.           Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers

91.           Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker

92.           Valentine - Martina McBride

93.           Waiting For A Girl - Foreigner

94.           We've Only Just Begun - Carpenters

95.           What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

96.           When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge or Michael Bolton

97.           When I Fall In Love - Nat King Cole or Celine Dion

98.           When I Said I Do - Clint Black & Lisa Hartman-Black

99.           When You Say Nothing At All - Keith Whitley 

100.        Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler

101.        Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton

102.        You & I - Eddie Rabbitt & Crystal Gayle

103.        You Are So Beautiful - Joe Cocker

104.        You Had Me At Hello - Kenny Chesney

105.        You're The Inspiration - Chicago

106.        You're Love Amazes Me - John Berry

107.        Your Song - Elton John

108.        You've Got A Friend - James Taylor

109.        You've Got A Way - Shania Twain

 

We hope you find a few that you like in this list. Feel free to add some more.