In this day and age many couples still like the idea and tradition of the Giving of the Bride, but perhaps not what is stands for or the wording that goes with it.
If the bride wants someone to escort her down the aisle, she can choose instead to modify the wording to a more modern version.
Any wording can be used, but here is a sample we prepared for you as an idea:
Celebrant addresses
person escorting bride (attendant)
Cel Others would ask, at this time, who gives the bride in marriage, but, as a
woman is not property to be bought and sold, given and taken, I ask simply if
she comes of her own will and if she has her family's blessing.
Celebrant: Rachel, is it true that
you come of your own free will and accord?
Rachel: Yes, it is true.
Celebrant:And with whose blessings accompany you?
Bride's attendant: She’s accompanied
with her father’s blessings.
The ‘Box of Memories is a beautiful way for a couple to capture their thoughts and feelings about marriage and most importantly, about their love for each other.
Requirements:
A wooden box, nails, a bottle of wine, 2 glasses and 2 handwritten letters
In the days leading up
to the wedding, the couple select a decorative wooden box and some nails,
making sure that it is large enough to hold a bottle of wine and 2 glasses and
sturdy enough to stand the test of time. Together also, they select a bottle of
their favourite wine and 2 glasses that can be placed in the box in advance.
On the eve of the
wedding, each takes a little time out from the busy-ness and excitement, and
spends a few minutes writing a letter to their soon-to-be partner expressing
their feelings, what they are thinking, what they love about them and their
hopes and dreams for the future. The letters are then sealed in an envelope.
During the ceremony,
the celebrant will explain to the guests what the couple have done, and as they
watch both place their sealed letters into the box and hammer in the nails one
by one in turn, will tell them of their plans to open the box on the day the
10th wedding anniversary, when they will share the wine and read the letters.
Example Wording:
Jasmine and Daniel your
commitment to each other today is obvious and evident to all of us as you stand
before us now. With your vows declared and your rings exchanged, you have made
a public demonstration of your commitment and love, but there is something more
that you have chosen to do as a reminder of this day, that will be a source of
great comfort and joy.
(Couple
walk over to the table with the box, hammer and nails)
‘In this box you have
placed some items that you have lovingly chosen together. A strong and sturdy
box that has plenty of room for all the things you need and is sturdy enough to
stand the test of time, just as your marriage will be. Inside you have placed 2
glasses and a bottle of wine, whose sweetness will remind you of all of the
happy times you shared together, when you open it together on your 10 year
wedding anniversary. I ask you now to please place the letters that you have
written for each other on the eve of this day and seal the box with the nails.’
(Couple
begin to hammer the nails)
‘May this box be a
reminder of the love you shared today and upon its opening – on your 10 year
wedding anniversary, as you sip the wine, let it serve to rekindle every bit of
spirit and joy that is present in your heart as you stand here today. As you
read the letters, let the words contained in them stay with you forever,
through whatever storm may come, and be forever grateful to have shared it with
all of those you hold dear.
One of the most common
and recognised wedding traditions has to be ‘Something Old, Something New,
Something Borrowed, Something Blue’ – and if you are going all the way then
‘And a Sliver Sixpence in her Shoe.’
Requirements: The 5 specified items
Of the many thousands
of traditions that have come and gone over the centuries, this old English
rhyme from the Victorian era is one that has truly endured, and for some reason
is still the most popular of all wedding rituals & traditions in our modern
society.
‘Something Old’ is said
to symbolise the special connection that the bride has with her own family, to
her origins and her past, that she will continue to maintain. ‘Something Old’ –
allows the bride to choose something that is meaningful from the family,
perhaps an heirloom or a piece of her grandmother’s, (or other family member’s)
jewellery. Another option, far more popular in the past than in recent times,
is the wearing of a wedding gown belonging to her mother or grandmother.
‘Something New’
signifies that if the bride has something new, then good fortune and success
will be in abundance as she begins her new life with her husband. ‘Something
new’ can be anything of her choosing, but if she is not wearing a dress from
the past, then her new wedding dress is often a good choice.
‘Something Borrowed’ is
a reminder to the bride of her strong friendships and family bond. The
borrowing of an item will give her a sense that she will have love and support
whenever she may need it, and always have others to lean on when times are
tough. The borrowed item is most often something that is easily concealed, worn
or able to fit in a small purse.
‘Something Blue’ is a
symbol of love, faithfulness, modesty, fidelity and loyalty. In ancient times
blue was the colour that represented all of these.Brides often wore blue wedding gowns in those
times and today still honour this by wearing a blue garter.
‘A Silver Sixpence in
her Shoe’ A sixpence is an old pre-decimal coin which, if concealed in her
shoe, was said to bring to the bride the good wishes of loved ones for
financial security and happiness. For the best of fortune, she should be sure
to wear it in her left shoe. In modern times any other silver coin may be used
as a substitute, but there are places that sell keepsake sixpences for
weddings.
Tradition has it that a
bride who carries these objects will ensure that she is blessed with a happy,
long and prosperous married life. While we love this tradition and all of its
sentiment, if a bride finds herself without one of these items, she may choose
to begin a new tradition with what she has rather than see it as an omen. Every
bride is beautiful and lucky on her big day!
The ‘Unity Candle’
ceremony is becoming increasingly popular in modern and traditional weddings.
There are many versions of this ritual, some involving different people and entire families, but for this version, the conducting
of the ritual symbolizes the commitment of the bride and groom to each other and the merging of the two families.
As a general rule, 3 candles are required
to perform a unity candle ceremony; 1 large centre candle and 2 slim (or taper)
candles.
The Mothers of the
Bride and Groom may light the 2 taper candles. The Bride and Groom taking these
candles, proceed to light the single large candle, representing their two lives
and two families uniting as one.
The two single candles
may then be blown out to represent the extinguishing of their single lives, (or
they may be kept alight to signify that, although united through marriage they
still retain their individuality).
Requirements: 1 large Candle and 2 slim or taper Candles
Example Wording:
‘The lighting of these
family candles symbolise Caroline and Jacob’s separate lives and pasts before
today.
(Bride’s
and Groom’s Mothers light the candles).
Through the love,
support, wisdom and guidance which they have both received from their families,
they are here today to join their lives as one.
Caroline and Jacob,
with the light from your family candles, unite the two flames into one
(Bride
and Groom light centre candles).
The unity of this flame
symbolises the union of your separate lives and your families, into a commitment
made in love and kept in faith. The two of you now have a fire that represents
love, understanding and the future. It will give you warmth and happiness
through even the darkest times. This new fire represents a new beginning, a new
life and a new family.’
The candles can then
burn throughout the remainder of the ceremony being extinguished at the end.
It is almost certain that everyone would be familiar with this wedding
tradition. Even though it has become commonplace at most wedding ceremonies,
many would be surprised by the extent of the numerous variations to this
theme.
The Giving Away of the bride has a long history. In
Roman times, it was the custom for a young woman to be under the authority and
protection of the head of her household; this would usually have been her
father or elder brother. When she married, that responsibility was then passed
to her husband. This was the origin of the ‘Giving away’ ceremony.
Times certainly have changed, but we retain this
ancient custom with a somewhat new cultural meaning. Nowadays it is considered
as the perfect occasion when the father- daughter relationship is acknowledged.
It also allows the families and friends of the Bride and Groom to show their
approval and support for the union.
Below are 2 examples of common wording, and in a
later post we'll share with you a more modern version for those that don't like
the wording/concept of 'giving away'.
Examples:
1. Celebrant addresses person giving
bride away:
‘Who brings this woman to be married to this man?’
Person replies: ‘I do’ (Then steps forward
and joins the other guests.)
2. If both the Bride’s and Groom’s
parents are involved, the celebrant will ask them to stand, and addresses the
guests as follows:
‘Who brings this man to stand beside this woman?’
Groom’s Parents ‘We do’
‘And who brings this woman to stand beside this
man?’
Bride’s Parents ‘We do’
‘Are you willing now and always to support and
strengthen this marriage by upholding both Lindsay and Lisa with your love and
support?’
All parents: ‘We are’
3. When the father is the giving the
bride away, the celebrant may say:
‘When thinking about this moment people will often
ponder on what are the real values in life, and come to decide what it is that
really matters — it is human relationships. One of the deepest, yet understated
relationships in life is that between the caring father and his loving
daughter, and one of the rare occasions that this relationship has the
opportunity to be openly acknowledged is at a wedding ceremony.
(Insert Father’s name) represents his family and all of us here today, but in a special
gesture on this important occasion he symbolises his own personal love for his
daughter and their journey together to this point.
So mindful of these values and of that love I now
ask him, who brings this woman to be married to this man?’
Father: ‘I do’
He then joins the other guests
The Wedding Gurus xx
Look out for future posts and modern versions of
this topic.
There are many different versions of handfasting ceremonies that are used in different cultures around the world. The way you do it for your own ceremony is really up to you.
You can personalise the wording of any handfasting ritual, or write your own meaningful words to go with the binding of the hands.
To accompany our handfasting ceremony video below, we thought it would be helpful to provide you with the wording for a couple of the more popular wording variations.
You can checkout our video below or use some of the wording options we've provided.
Example 1:
Celebrant:‘Nicole and Gary have chosen to include a hand fasting ritual in their ceremony today as a symbol of their love Nicole and Gary please hold your hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to each of you.’
(the hands are bound lightly by celebrant)
‘These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, which are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other all the days of your life.
These are the hands that will work alongside of yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.
These are that hands which will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands which will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief engulfs your heart.
These are the hands that will give you support and encourage you to chase down your dreams. Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realised.
This binding represents the love that has bound you together to this point. It will continue to bind you to one another until the binding of your rings takes it place.’
The ceremony continues with the couple’s hands bound until the ring exchange at which point the celebrant removes the binding, and the rings then take its place as their binding for life.
Example 2:
Celebrant: Please join hands. As your hands are joined, so now are your lives. (Celebrant binds the hands)
Above you are the stars
below you are the stones
as time does pass
Remember
Like a star should your love be constant
Like a stone should your love be firm
Be close, but not too close
Posses one another, but be understanding
Have patience with one another
For storms will come, but they will go quickly
Be free in the giving of affection and warmth
Make love often, and be sensuous with one another
Have no fear and let not the ways or words
of the unenlightened give you unease for the Gods are with you.
Hands remain bound until the ring exchange.
Example 3: Handfasting with Children
Celebrant: 'When we think about marriage we immediately visualize the joining of two people. But this is not always so. Marriages unite families and as is the case in many families today, who already have children, they give us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and embrace some of the other important relationships in our lives.
During a wedding ceremony rings are sometimes exchanged with a promise. As (Bride) and (Groom) are not exchanging rings, but instead binding their hands, they thought appropriate that their children should also take part as reminder of their promise to them on this day.
They wanted to find a way to let them know now how special and wonderful they are, and how privileged and blessed they feel to be their parents.
Children step forward and their hands are bound with the parents
Celebrant addresses children:
(Insert children’s names) These are the hands that will support encourage and protect you through all of life’s ups and downs, happy times, sad times, love and we hope, great joy. This binding is a reminder of the love and respect that each of you have for the others and that which will last for a lifetime.
Have you ever asked yourself why
the wedding ring is placed on the third finger of the left hand?
We recently pondered the same question and in response, we decided
to go in search of where this idea may have originated. As you can imagine
there were many interpretations and we have outlined our favourite 3 for you.
In Western Culture it was thought to originate
from the Greek physicians in the third century B.C where they were misled to
believe that a vein of blood ran from the third finger of the left hand straight
to the heart. A slightly misguided interpretation of the human anatomy, yes,
but you can understand their logic of placing the ring that symbolises love and
commitment on the part of the body that was thought to be in direct connection
to the heart. In fact, this vein was later named ‘vena amori’ or vein of love.
The Chinese have a beautiful interpretation and
we have outlined this below showing the representation of each finger :
Thumb represents your parents
Index finger represents your siblings
Middle finger represents yourself
Ring finger represents your life
partner
Little finger represents children
Now, this idea is not based solely on just guessing what each
finger may represent, there is actually a really sweet theory behind it.
Basically, if you place your palms together in front of you and
bend your middle fingers down so that they are knuckle to knuckle (see pic) the
significance becomes clear.
Your thumbs (which represent
your parents) are easily separated as you are separated from them as you move
off to marry.
Your index finger (which
represents your siblings) is also easily separated signifying how you will
separate from them in your life, creating your own families.
Your middle finger - is removed
as it represents yourself.
Your little finger (representing your
future children) is easily parted also representing that they too are not with
you forever.
If you try however to separate yourring
fingers (representing your life partner) You cannot. Why? because you
are tied together as one for eternity. The sentiment behind this theory is
beautiful in that the inability to separate these two fingers is exactly where
the rings should be placed reminding us of this everlasting unbreakable bond.
A final theory (culture unknown) puts forward the idea that the
third finger cannot be held out alone, it needs the support of both the middle
and little fingers on either side. So what does this signify, well it gives the
ring finger union, support and protection thus representing a happy and healthy
marriage and life together.
