Wedding Rituals and Traditions - The Unity Candle Ritual (Bride and Groom)

 

The ‘Unity Candle’ ceremony is becoming increasingly popular in modern and traditional weddings. 

There are many versions of this ritual, some involving different people and entire families, but for this version, the conducting of the ritual symbolizes the commitment of the bride and groom to each other and the merging of the two families. 

As a general rule, 3 candles are required to perform a unity candle ceremony; 1 large centre candle and 2 slim (or taper) candles.

The Mothers of the Bride and Groom may light the 2 taper candles. The Bride and Groom taking these candles, proceed to light the single large candle, representing their two lives and two families uniting as one.

The two single candles may then be blown out to represent the extinguishing of their single lives, (or they may be kept alight to signify that, although united through marriage they still retain their individuality).

Requirements: 1 large Candle and 2 slim or taper Candles

Example Wording:

‘The lighting of these family candles symbolise Caroline and Jacob’s separate lives and pasts before today.

(Bride’s and Groom’s Mothers light the candles).

Through the love, support, wisdom and guidance which they have both received from their families, they are here today to join their lives as one.

Caroline and Jacob, with the light from your family candles, unite the two flames into one

(Bride and Groom light centre candles).

The unity of this flame symbolises the union of your separate lives and your families, into a commitment made in love and kept in faith. The two of you now have a fire that represents love, understanding and the future. It will give you warmth and happiness through even the darkest times. This new fire represents a new beginning, a new life and a new family.’

The candles can then burn throughout the remainder of the ceremony being extinguished at the end.

Checkout our YouTube channel, The Wedding Gurus for a video on the Unity Candle Ritual and many more, at: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtdzLi6-IK7AkwzvZNtrbtw

Wedding Rituals and Traditions - The Giving of the Bride

 

It is almost certain that everyone would be familiar with this wedding tradition. Even though it has become commonplace at most wedding ceremonies, many would be surprised by the extent of the numerous variations to this theme. 

The Giving Away of the bride has a long history. In Roman times, it was the custom for a young woman to be under the authority and protection of the head of her household; this would usually have been her father or elder brother. When she married, that responsibility was then passed to her husband. This was the origin of the ‘Giving away’ ceremony.

Times certainly have changed, but we retain this ancient custom with a somewhat new cultural meaning. Nowadays it is considered as the perfect occasion when the father- daughter relationship is acknowledged. It also allows the families and friends of the Bride and Groom to show their approval and support for the union. 

Below are 2 examples of common wording, and in a later post we'll share with you a more modern version for those that don't like the wording/concept of 'giving away'.

Examples:

1. Celebrant addresses person giving bride away:

‘Who brings this woman to be married to this man?’

Person replies: ‘I do’ (Then steps forward and joins the other guests.)

 

2. If both the Bride’s and Groom’s parents are involved, the celebrant will ask them to stand, and addresses the guests as follows:

‘Who brings this man to stand beside this woman?’

Groom’s Parents ‘We do’

‘And who brings this woman to stand beside this man?’

Bride’s Parents ‘We do’

‘Are you willing now and always to support and strengthen this marriage by upholding both Lindsay and Lisa with your love and support?’

All parents: ‘We are’

 

3. When the father is the giving the bride away, the celebrant may say:

‘When thinking about this moment people will often ponder on what are the real values in life, and come to decide what it is that really matters — it is human relationships. One of the deepest, yet understated relationships in life is that between the caring father and his loving daughter, and one of the rare occasions that this relationship has the opportunity to be openly acknowledged is at a wedding ceremony.

(Insert Father’s name) represents his family and all of us here today, but in a special gesture on this important occasion he symbolises his own personal love for his daughter and their journey together to this point.

So mindful of these values and of that love I now ask him, who brings this woman to be married to this man?’

Father: ‘I do’

He then joins the other guests

 

The Wedding Gurus xx

Look out for future posts and modern versions of this topic.

Wedding Rituals - Handfasting Ceremony Wording

There are many different versions of handfasting ceremonies that are used in different cultures around the world. The way you do it for your own ceremony is really up to you.

You can personalise the wording of any handfasting ritual, or write your own meaningful words to go with the binding of the hands.

To accompany our handfasting ceremony video below, we thought it would be helpful to provide you with the wording for a couple of the more popular wording variations. 

You can checkout our video below or use some of the wording options we've provided.

Example 1:

Celebrant:‘Nicole and Gary have chosen to include a hand fasting ritual in their ceremony today as a symbol of their love Nicole and Gary please hold your hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to each of you.’

(the hands are bound lightly by celebrant)

‘These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, which are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other all the days of your life.

These are the hands that will work alongside of yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams. 

These are that hands which will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands which will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief engulfs your heart.

These are the hands that will give you support and encourage you to chase down your dreams. Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realised. 

This binding represents the love that has bound you together to this point. It will continue to bind you to one another until the binding of your rings takes it place.’

The ceremony continues with the couple’s hands bound until the ring exchange at which point the celebrant removes the binding, and the rings then take its place as their binding for life.

Example 2: 

Celebrant: Please join hands. As your hands are joined, so now are your lives. (Celebrant binds the hands)

Above you are the stars

below you are the stones

as time does pass

Remember

Like a star should your love be constant

Like a stone should your love be firm

Be close, but not too close

Posses one another, but be understanding

Have patience with one another

For storms will come, but they will go quickly

Be free in the giving of affection and warmth

Make love often, and be sensuous with one another

Have no fear and let not the ways or words

of the unenlightened give you unease for the Gods are with you.

Hands remain bound until the ring exchange.

Example 3:  Handfasting with Children

Celebrant: 'When we think about marriage we immediately visualize the joining of two people. But this is not always so. Marriages unite families and as is the case in many families today, who already have children, they give us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and embrace some of the other important relationships in our lives.

During a wedding ceremony rings are sometimes exchanged with a promise. As (Bride) and (Groom) are not exchanging rings, but instead binding their hands, they thought appropriate that their children should also take part as reminder of their promise to them on this day. 

They wanted to find a way to let them know now how special and wonderful they are, and how privileged and blessed they feel to be their parents. 

Children step forward and their hands are bound with the parents

 

Celebrant addresses children:

(Insert children’s names) These are the hands that will support encourage and protect you through all of life’s ups and downs, happy times, sad times, love and we hope, great joy. This binding is a reminder of the love and respect that each of you have for the others and that which will last for a lifetime.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Placement of the Wedding Ring

Have you ever asked yourself why the wedding ring is placed on the third finger of the left hand?

We recently pondered the same question and in response, we decided to go in search of where this idea may have originated. As you can imagine there were many interpretations and we have outlined our favourite 3 for you.

 

In Western Culture it was thought to originate from the Greek physicians in the third century B.C where they were misled to believe that a vein of blood ran from the third finger of the left hand straight to the heart. A slightly misguided interpretation of the human anatomy, yes, but you can understand their logic of placing the ring that symbolises love and commitment on the part of the body that was thought to be in direct connection to the heart. In fact, this vein was later named ‘vena amori’ or vein of love.

 

The Chinese have a beautiful interpretation and we have outlined this below showing the representation of each finger :

 

Thumb represents your parents

Index finger represents your siblings

Middle finger represents yourself

Ring finger represents your life partner

Little finger represents children

 

Now, this idea is not based solely on just guessing what each finger may represent, there is actually a really sweet theory behind it.

 

Basically, if you place your palms together in front of you and bend your middle fingers down so that they are knuckle to knuckle (see pic) the significance becomes clear.

Your thumbs (which represent your parents) are easily separated as you are separated from them as you move off to marry.

 

Your index finger (which represents your siblings) is also easily separated signifying how you will separate from them in your life, creating your own families.

 

Your middle finger - is removed as it represents yourself.

 

Your little finger (representing your future children) is easily parted also representing that they too are not with you forever.

 

If you try however to separate your ring fingers (representing your life partner) You cannot. Why? because you are tied together as one for eternity. The sentiment behind this theory is beautiful in that the inability to separate these two fingers is exactly where the rings should be placed reminding us of this everlasting unbreakable bond.

 

A final theory (culture unknown) puts forward the idea that the third finger cannot be held out alone, it needs the support of both the middle and little fingers on either side. So what does this signify, well it gives the ring finger union, support and protection thus representing a happy and healthy marriage and life together.

 

The Wedding Gurus xx

Top 50 all time best - Wedding 1st dance songs:

When a couple take to the floor for their first dance as husband and wife it is a moment that is etched in time forever. Everyone in the room stops talking, eating and socialising as all falls silent and the mood shifts. All attention turns back to the couple as they hold each other tightly and move around the floor. It is a big and often very hard decision to pick the one song that is just perfect for this special moment.

We have put together for you a list of OUR picks for the 'Top 50 all-time best - Wedding 1st dance songs'. Now, these may not be your top selections, so if we have missed any that you think should be here, please let us know.

 

To add to this, we will also be doing follow-up posts on our picks for the 'Top 10 All-Time Classic 1st Dance Songs' and the 'Top 10 Modern 1st Dance Songs', including video.

 

We hope you enjoy, and please leave comments with any others you think should definitely be added.

TOP 50 all-time best - Wedding 1st dance songs:

    

50        You’ll be in my heart – Phil Collins

49        Keep on loving you – Speedwagon

48        We found love – Rhianna & Calvin Harris

47        Your song – Elton John

46        Nothing’s real but love – Rebecca Ferguson

45        Only you – The Platters

44        Ave Maria – Beyonce

43        Because you loved me – Celine Dion

42        I knew I loved you – Savage Garden

41        You’ve got the love – Florence & Machine

40        She’s like the wind – Patrick Swayze

39        Far away – Nickelback

38        Feel – Robbie Williams

37        Never gonna give you up – Rick Astley

36        I got you babe – Sonny & Cher

35        Lego House – Ed Sheeran

34        Wild Horses – The Rolling Stones

33        Lucky – Jason Mraz

32        Show me heaven – Maria Mckee

31        It had to be you – Harry Connick Jr

30        Can’t help falling in love with you – Elvis

29        Endless Love – Luther Vandross & Mariah Carey

28        All my life – K-ci & Jojo

27        Nothing’s gonna change my love for you –Air Supply

26        Every beat of my heart – Gladys Night & The Pipps

25        Because of you – Tony Bennett

24        I’m yours – Jason Mraz

23        Sea of love – The Honeydrippers

22        Have I told you lately – Van Morrison

21        Here and now – Luther Vandross

20        With this ring – Shelamar

19        Always and forever – Heatwave

18        Unchained melody – The Righteous brothers

17        Don’t know much – Aaron Neville & Linda Rohnstadt

16        I finally found someone – Bryan Adam & Barbra Streisand

15        The way you look tonight – Frank Sinatra

14        Heaven – Bryan Adams

13        Can you feel the love tonight – Elton John

12        At last – Etta James

11        When a man loves a woman – Michael Bolton

10        You’re Beautiful – James Blunt

9          I will always love you – Whitney Houston

8          Everything I do – Bryan Adams

7          When you say nothing at all – Ronan Keating

6          Angels – Robbie Williams

5          Amazed – Lonestar

4          Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

3          Truly madly deeply – Savage Garden

2          You’re still the one – Shania Twain

1          Don’t want to miss a thing – Aerosmith

Silent Flower Ritual

The silent flower ritual is one of the simplest and most basic rituals that may be included in a wedding ceremony, but its significance and emotional depth are long remembered.

The silent flower ritual brings significance to the roles of the mothers on this special day, that may otherwise go unspoken and to all that they have contributed to the lives of the couple present. In nurturing, loving and caring for each of them and in being there to share this special day with them.

Once the guests are assembled and the groom and celebrant are waiting for the bride, the entrance music begins and the bride enters carrying her bouquet with 2 loose long stem flowers. As she approaches her groom on her father’s (or whoever is escorting her) arm, she lets go of him and walks silently over to her soon-to-be mother-in-law and hands her one of the flowers, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She then walks over to her own mother handing her a flower also and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

No words are said during the ritual and the bride then returns to her escort’s arm and continues to her groom.

The ritual, though silent, is very meaningful and brings a tear to the eyes of guests and of course the mothers.  It is a truly wonderful way of honouring the mothers' role in the lives of the couple and their importance on this day. The mothers are always very pleased, particularly when they are not aware that it is going to take place.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Bridal Party Issues - Difficulties with Bridesmaids/Groomsmen

So, you’ve got a member of your bridal party that is giving you hell and causing you grief on all sorts of levels? 

You chose this person because you were friends or maybe it’s your cousin and your family wanted you to include her/him, but now all you want to do is get rid of them, but how? 

This is a more common situation than you might think. For some reason, much like any other highly emotional get-together, a wedding can stir up a lot of trouble in friendships and family situations and cause mixed emotions for all involved. 

For a bride, having a difficult bridesmaid can range from someone who doesn’t seem interested, refuses to participate or just can’t make the time, to complaining about their dress, whining about costs and just plain rudeness. We all know that weddings are stressful enough without the added pressure of a strained relationship with someone who is supposed to be helping out and willing to stand beside you on the big day. When it’s a groomsman the same applies, but it can often mean they fail to show up, make rude comments or make fun of everything you try to do.

 

So, what do you do? How do you handle a situation where you’ve chosen someone to share this special day and all of the planning and fun with you (and possibly forked out money for accessories) and now they’re making it hell?

 

Well, here are our tips.

 

1.     First, make sure that you’re not overreacting. When you’re stressed and emotional, even the littlest things can seem big and important, when in fact they’re not. Write down what’s been happening and how you’re feeling about things and then run it by someone you trust will tell you the truth. If you’re being silly you need to be told, but if there are some real problems then at least you can be sure that the second opinion has confirmed it.

 

2.    You need to consider how close you are to this person. If it is a sister or relative you may need to handle things differently than if it is a friend. The reality is that it is likely you will need to address the situation at some point and it could get hairy.

 

3.    If the person causing the problem is very close to you eg, sister or best friend, are they dealing with anything at the moment that might be causing their behaviour. If they are, then it might be best to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about what’s going on and how to best move forward for both of you.  It may mean that they have to pull out or need a little more understanding, but either way, at least it’s out in the open. If they’re not going through anything that you know of and just appear to be being difficult because of jealousy, laziness or some other unfair reason, then a harsher approach may need to be taken. Take them aside and tell them how you’re feeling. If, at the end of the conversation you’re not feeling any closer to resolving the issue then you may need to consider asking them if they would like to step down.

 

4.     If the person causing the problem is a friend or distant relative, you might need to still gauge whether there is something going on with them, but then just come right out and say how you’re feeling. Explain that this is a big deal for you and that you’d like their support in making it fun and exciting for everyone. If they are unable to do that then you’ll have no choice but to ask them to step away.

 

Some final tips. Approach the person face to face rather than doing it over email or text. Body language says much more than words and you’ll know very quickly if their attitude is saying for you to stick it, or if they are genuinely interested in making it work.

 

Good Luck!